By Teri Brown

Potty training doesn’t just involve you and your toddler – it can involve the entire family! If consistency is key to successful potty training, then everyone the child spends time with should be clued in. This includes grandparents, aunts and uncles and even siblings.

If the whole family isn’t in sync, problems may occur, such as sending mixed messages to your child about using the potty and negative messages toward you, the parent, for not handling potty training like Auntie Marge or Grandma Jane did. The key is getting positive support from all family members, so you and your child can start off on the right foot with potty training!

When Family Gets in the Way

Jennifer Akers from Largo, Fla., remembers all too well what it’s like when family members are not supportive. Her son was a late bloomer, and Akers says she was made to feel like she was doing it all wrong, especially because her son wasn’t completely potty trained until he was 4 years old.

“I asked my mother-in-law for suggestions,” Akers says. “She answered that all of her kids were potty trained by 3 years of age. My family left me to find my own way. But I felt like a horrible mother when the talk turned to how I must be doing something wrong because my son was still 3 and 4 years old [and not finished with potty training]. I thought there was something wrong with me and something wrong with my son. It was a terrible time.”

Akers believes she could have had an easier time had her family members been more supportive. “I think they could have assured me that some kids potty train later than others,” Akers says. “I think they could have encouraged me to find support from the pediatrician and friends. I think it would have been helpful for them to keep their opinions of my parenting skills to themselves.”

Consistency Across the Board

Akers’ story emphasizes the importance of making sure everyone in the family is on the same page when it comes to potty training. If your child spends a lot of time with other family members it is crucial that everyone knows the method you are using and the schedule your child is on.

“Consistency is very important, and if everyone has a different method, most preschoolers will just get confused,” says Dr. Mary Ann LoFrumento, a New Jersey-based pediatrician. “Different generations had very different training methods, so what Grandma did 20 to 30 years ago may be very different than what’s recommended today. So whoever is taking care of the child has to agree to the same reward system. This is especially important in the beginning when children have the hardest time and will have many accidents. The way you encourage – and never show disapproval – is important.”

In other words, family members need to react in the same way as the parents do. Dr. LoFrumento says a clear discussion among family members about toilet training techniques, philosophy, etc., is very helpful. And if you suspect that Grandma or Grandpa or another relative is going against your wishes, then it may be time to have another chat with them about potty training.

The Importance of Siblings

Older siblings can be very important to the potty training process. By showing that it is possible to become an expert at using the potty and being supportive when the younger sibling uses the potty chair, they can reinforce what the parents are teaching. They also can help remind the younger child when it's time to try the potty chair.

Dr. Jennifer Shoquist, a Houston, Texas-based family practice physician, agrees that siblings can play an important role. “Encourage your younger child to notice that his siblings use the potty,” she says.

Dealing with Criticism
The one thing you can be sure of with parenting is that everyone has an opinion. Unless you agree with everything a relative has to say on the topic, expect some disapproval with the method you and your child are using. The trick is to take what advice is useful and ignore any implied criticism that may come your way.

“Parents should try to ignore criticism from others about their child's potty training progress,” Dr. Shoquist says. “Someone may tell you how their daughter was completely potty trained at 19 months old and wonder why your 3-year-old is still wearing diapers. Parents need to try to remember that potty training occurs at varying times in children as does every other aspect of children's development. Whether your child ends up being potty trained earlier or later is no indication of greater success in life in the future.”

Everyone in the family can be involved with potty training. The trick is to make sure everyone is on the same page and has the same goal: helping your child achieve potty training success!